"Was it actually the breast milk that mom provided? Or was it that this mom had all of these other supports in place to breastfeed - things that play a role in terms of the baby's development cognitively?" asks Jessica Madden, MD, a pediatrician and neonatologist. "They've never really teased out the other factors involved."
Yet despite the speculation, we do know this: there are definitely some major benefits of breastfeeding both for the baby and the parent who nurses them. This is why experts find it encouraging to see that the latest available CDC data show more and more parents are deciding to breastfeed.
If you're on the fence about whether or not breastfeeding is right for your family, it can help to know about the biggest benefits of breastfeeding that have solid proof behind them - plus some of the reasons why parents might opt for formula instead.
Jessica Madden, MD, is a pediatrician, neonatologist, and medical director at Aeroflow Breastpumps.
Cheryl Lebedevitch is the national policy director of the US Breastfeeding Committee.
When all goes well, breastfeeding is like having a meal plan perfectly crafted by an expert dietitian. Breast milk has the exact nutrients a baby needs at any given time. Early breast milk begins as colostrum, which is not only designed specifically for newborns' digestive systems, it's so packed with vitamins and antioxidants that it's known as "liquid gold." As it transitions into mature milk, the fat composition changes to meet the needs of the growing baby, per The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.
But that's not all. "There's different biochemical substances in milk for a male newborn versus a female newborn," Dr. Madden says. Depending on the time of day the milk is expressed, there's a different hormone balance. "Breast milk that's made overnight is going to be more likely to help the baby to sleep," she says.
One of the most well-established benefits of breastfeeding is the effect on a baby's immune system. There's a solid amount of data, published in Pediatrics and Maternal and Child Health, to name a few medical journals, showing that it decreases the risk of infections in the baby's first couple of years.
Cheryl Lebedevitch, national policy director of the United States Breastfeeding Committee, compares colostrum in particular to a baby's first round of immunizations. She says it provides "so many of those protections they need because they don't have mature immune systems just yet."
Even as it matures, breast milk passes along some of the antibodies that the parent's body is making, per findings in the The Pediatric Infectious Disease Journal, helping protect the baby against the particular viruses they're both exposed to. It also promotes healthy bacteria in the infant's gut, which boosts their immune system as well.
"Babies who are predominantly breastfed, they're going to have less stomach gastroenteritis, stomach flus, less ear infections, less infections overall," Dr. Madden says. This continues to be true until around their second birthday, even if the baby stops breastfeeding before then.
Screaming, crying creatures that wake you up multiple times a night can be tough to live with. But breastfeeding can make the experience feel a little more manageable. Lebedevitch points out that when you're lactating, the body releases oxytocin to trigger the milk to flow. This chemical is most well-known as the "love hormone" because it promotes bonding.
What's more, it also helps downregulate our stress response. (Dr. Maddens flags that emerging research, like in the Journal of Affective Disorders, for example, suggests breastfeeding might even help prevent postpartum depression, but more data is needed to know definitively).
That oxytocin doesn't just affect us mentally. It also helps the uterus contract, bringing it back to its normal size more rapidly. "You hear women talk about when they're feeding their baby, they get afterbirth pains," Dr. Madden says. "That's a good thing that's going to help you recover. That's your uterus shrinking back to normal size and the blood vessels constricting there."
It's not only the child who gets protected from disease when you nurse them. Research in The Lancet shows that parents who breastfeed have a significantly decreased risk of developing breast cancer either before or after menopause. And the longer you breastfeed over the course of your life, the more protected you are.
In those early months when a newborn needs to eat in the middle of the night, anything you can do to streamline the process means more ZZZs for you. Dr. Madden points out that simply rolling over, picking baby up out of the bassinet, and offering your breast is far more efficient than heading to the kitchen to prepare and warm up a bottle and then sanitize it afterwards.
When little ones are frantically crying, many parents find that breastfeeding is often the most effective way to soothe them. And it's not just because they were hungry - babies get an oxytocin boost, too. Dr. Madden says that when we measure babies' vital signs while they're breastfeeding, all snuggled against their parents chest, we can see that their heart rates and breathing rates calm down.
The truth is, breastfeeding doesn't always come easily. Babies sometimes have a hard time latching, and postpartum bodies sometimes struggle to produce milk. Ducts can get plugged and nipples can bleed. Any of these complications can take a major toll on a parent's mental health.
Even if the milk flows perfectly, finding the time and space to nurse can be challenging (especially if you go back to work). And while people might call breastfeeding "free," Dr. Madden points out that it can actually add up to hundreds of hours of unpaid labor. "Is it really free in the sense that you're giving up so many other parts of your life to feed your baby?" she asks.
Despite the many benefits of breastfeeding, there are good reasons why some parents choose to formula feed. And that's okay! Dr. Madden says that, not only is infant formula not harmful, there's nothing wrong with doing a mix of formula and breast milk, either. "Even if your baby gets one breastfeed per day, like a couple of ounces, when we look at those benefits from the immune system standpoint, those are still there," Dr. Madden says. "It's not all or nothing."
Johnson is a modeling legend - she became the first Black model to appear on the cover of Vogue in 1974 - and Sims followed in her footsteps. And now, the duo's relationship is on full display on the new WE tv reality series "The Barnes Bunch," which follows Sims's blended family with fiancA(c) Matt Barnes (Johnson, of course, is often there to help out). "It's a journey, being mothers and daughters," Sims says. "But I love the journey. I love my mom, she's my best friend."
Despite the fact that the conversation took place via three tiny screens, it was candid, vulnerable, and full of wisdom. Keep reading for their favorite memories of Sims's childhood, their best relationship and career advice, and more.
Anansa Sims: I remember being taken on shoots and meeting a lot of the famous supermodels at the time. You're a little kid and you see them in the magazines, so it was exciting to know that they actually knew my name and knew all about me and my mom was sharing stories. Christie Brinkley and Cheryl Tiegs and models like that who were huge, major supermodels. So it was always exciting for me to go to work with my mom.
Beverly Johnson: She took her first picture at three days old, and she's been photographed ever since.
AS: One thing I learned from my mom about modeling is that you really have to be professional. Modeling seems like a fun career to get into, and it is at times, but you have to show up on time, ready to work, with the proper undergarments. My mom taught me a lot about just being a professional. There are a lot of beautiful women out there, but a lot of them don't go on and become top models just because they're not professional or because of their attitude. People hire people that they want to spend an eight-hour day with on a shoot.
BV: She's saying all this verbatim from me! Very good.
AS: Yup. When I decided to step out there, I kind of had a leg up on a lot of things that my mom would teach me, and then I'd get applauded for my professionalism, and I'm like, oh yeah, this is working.
BV: One of the most significant moments for me was when Anansa came to me and said, "I'm not going to be a straight size model," which means a size 0. And I was like, "Why? They're just beginning to love you." And she said, "I will never let anybody tell me how I should look ever again." And I was like, "Wow. I haven't gotten there yet." So I have learned a lot from Anansa, and continue to learn a lot.
AS: I'm more of a stay-at-home mom, my mom was more of a working mom, so it's different in that sense. I did learn a lot of disciplinary things from my mom, and then I also try to talk and communicate with the kids, so that they're open to telling me things. My mom and I have always had a good relationship in terms of talking about stuff, especially in my later teen years. And I really want that with my daughter, especially, and of course my sons, too.
BV: It's so beautiful as a parent of one child and I get to sit back and watch my daughter become the mother, and watch my daughter get the same challenges that I got as a mother. It's nice to see how she understands now what I was going through as a parent, because now she's in those shoes.
Years ago, we did a photo with my mother, Anansa, and I, and Ava was a baby, so four generations. I look forward to every day stepping into my mom's shoes in being a grandmother. If I could be the grandmother and great-grandmother my mom was, I would have achieved everything I want in life.
AS: I think the best thing my mom taught me is being open to communicate. The older you get, the more you see that communication really is key, and nothing gets solved with the silent treatment. Nothing gets solved with just being angry. Talking it out is important. So my mom tells me that a lot. If I'm upset, she's like, "Cooler heads prevail." And it's true. Because some of the things you want to say when you're upset are not going to lead to a solution. So I've been learning to give it a couple hours, and then be like, "Can we talk?" And then I'll call my mom back and be like, "Okay, he apologized. It's good now."
"What I learned from my mom is just how to survive and evolve - as a woman, as a mother."
BJ: I feel that people really don't know themselves, and it's important to try to know who you are and how you can better handle a situation. Silence is golden a lot of the time. I think we kind of get obsessed with the other person and what they're doing. You kind of know more about the other person than you do about yourself. And I'm constantly on that journey myself, having recently gotten married. So I'm starting to go back on that journey of self-discovery and I'm doing some hypnosis and journaling and I see how that affects the relationship, because I'm coming from a different place. Sometimes you're on a road, you forget, and you get into this routine and this dance. And in order to change the dance, you have to stop dancing.
AS: For me, what I learned from my mom is just how to survive and evolve - as a woman, as a mother. There are hard times through relationships, through being a parent. I went through a divorce. There are so many things, and what my mom taught me is to just pick myself up, dust myself, and just keep going. And to put Anansa first, because the children will be okay as long as I'm okay. And that was huge, just for her to remind me of those things when I am down, when I do fall on hard times.
My mom is very strong, and I saw her be strong - I didn't really know what that was as a child, but for her to teach me that, I now feel like I'm really strong. And I want that for my kids. Because life gets hard, and you don't know what hand you're going to be dealt. Hard is relative, but you're going to need some skills in order to be able to persevere.
BJ: I do know the reason why you have challenges is because you're trying to go to the next step and you have to go through these challenges to get there. And if you can keep that in mind that this challenge is there to strengthen me, to walk through the fire, whatever it is, because on the other side is where I want to be.
"The key features moms should consider are whether the shoes have a wide enough toe box, whether they are the correct size, and whether they have the appropriate amount of flexibility in the sole of the shoe," board-certified podiatrist Dr. Alissa Kuizinas, DPM, tells PS. "Many sneakers and casual shoes have narrow toe boxes and stiff soles that can be very destructive for feet and can cause day-to-day foot pain as well."
If you're searching for a comfortable walking sneaker that will withstand your packed to-do list, stylish kicks that can take you from playdate to night out, or a tennis shoe that offers the proper support for your achy arches, we've got you covered. Here are 10 sneakers for active moms looking for a sneaker that can multitask as a reliable work shoe for days in and out of the home.
- Additional reporting by Angela Elias
Bregman has 25 years and more than 1,500 births under her belt. She began her career as a celebrity masseuse, but felt called to birth work. "I was always drawn to working with pregnant women," Bregman tells PS. "Everything I learned - whether it was body work or nutrition or yoga or spiritual coaching - I kept gearing it toward pregnancy, birthing, or new moms."
Bregman's clients typically seek her out five weeks or so into their pregnancies, but sometimes as early as when they're trying to conceive. The doula's prenatal support includes nutritional advice, birth prep, body work, and she's also there during labor. "I am basically their support system throughout the whole journey," Bregman says.
Now, Bregman has a new gig as the doula in residence for the supplement brand Needed. "Literally, it's the only product I recommend," she says. Bregman personally takes the Women's Multi, along with Needed's Stress Support and Cognitive Support supplements.
As part of the partnership, Bregman has a recurring advice column. Thankfully, PS was able to get a preview and pick Bregman's brain on pregnancy, birth work, and, essentially, how to turn the delivery room into a spa.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Lori Bregman aa$?dddd (@lbreggy)
PS: What does a typical work day look like for you?
Lori Bregman: Every day is a trip. Right now I'm on call for about four or five births. I go to bed at night not knowing if I'm gonna wake up in my bed or not. Being a doula makes you incredibly flexible. I always plan my day but I never know if I'm gonna have to cancel. My famous last words are, "If I'm not at a birth, I can be there."
But in a typical day, I do a lot of education. I do tons of birth prep all day long with my clients. Yesterday I went from client to client to client prepping them for birth.
A lot of it is building relationships - and building deep relationships. As I'm birth prepping, my clients are texting me all day long. Then I go to bed like at 8:00 p.m. because, like I said, I never know if I'm gonna wake up and have to go to a birth at 2:00 in the morning.
PS: That keeps you on your toes.
LB: Yeah, the one thing that keeps me really going is my daily self-care routine. Any birth worker will tell you that. It's like what I tell the moms I work with: if you don't put that oxygen mask on yourself, you can't take care of others and serve others. That usually means going for hikes in nature with my dogs, taking all my supplements, going to bed early, journaling and doing my morning rituals. It really helps fuel me so I can go back out into the world and give. It's such a rewarding career but can also be taxing on the body if you don't take care of yourself.
PS: You have a few famous clients. How does that come about? How does one become a celebrity doula, and do you find that it changes the work in any way?
LB: Back before I was a doula, I was the masseuse of Hollywood. So, this was my clientele before. I think the reason all these celebrities like to work with me is 'cause I don't treat them any different from anybody else that I work with. There's a sense of normalcy where they can just be themselves and not have to be "on" or be that public person. They can just drop in and really be who they are.
I really don't work any different with them than I do with my other clients. To me, everybody's kind of a celebrity, you know? I try to treat all my clients like they are.
PS: What are your top recommendations for expecting parents who can't afford a doula, but would still like to access some of that support and preparation?
LB: Well, I would definitely recommend subscribing to Needed, where you'll get access to their "changemakers," who are sharing a lot of wisdom and information. I'm myself doing a Dear Doula column.
I would recommend always taking a birth class that's not hospital-related, otherwise you're just going to learn their way. There are so many ways to get educated outside without a doula but having the support is really important. Picking your care team and your place of birth really important. You should birth around people that you feel really safe around and you can be yourself with. You should be heard and respected. Your questions should be answered, and if you don't feel good around your care provider, if you feel dismissed or disrespected, you can change your care provider at any time.
Putting the time and energy into birth is really important. It's not empowering to have somebody make choices for you, and these choices might be right for them, but not for you. I see so many people putting time into their wedding - taking the pictures, getting the fancy dress and the beautiful flowers - but when it comes to birth, they'll put it in the hands of somebody else.
PS: What's your advice for someone who is starting to consider pregnancy? What can they do, or what questions can they ask themselves, before embarking on that journey?
LB: Stay away from what I call the faith-killers, those people that are like, "You are too old." Because that gets into your head and really, your body's gonna do what your mind says. I have 42-year-old clients right now that got pregnant. Looking at yourself as an individual, not a statistic, is really important. Don't watch other people's stories and let them become yours.
I am also a huge fan of acupuncture for fertility - huge. And I would cut back on coffee.
PS: Oh no, don't tell us that.
LB: Well, just cut back. I didn't say "out." The other thing is, I would start pulling some really unhealthy things out of your diet and putting some really good things in. Really nourish yourself. And stress relief: yoga, meditation, really look at your stress levels. Bring in more mindful practices, get out in nature and hike, carve out time for yourself to just breathe.
PS: It's interesting that there are so many products out there that cater to women and their fertility, but little is discussed about the role that men play in conceiving.
LB: It's so important. People don't realize this, but a lot of the infertility these days is caused by the male. And the man is actually responsible for the placenta in making the baby, which is so great. So the healthier they are before conceiving, the juicier and healthier the placenta's gonna be.
PS: What are your childbirth or delivery-room must-haves?
LB: First of all, the calmer and more relaxed you are, the less you're gonna feel pain. So, the making of the environment is really important. Bring things like flameless candles, or a diffuser with some aromatherapy oils. I like clary sage - it helps bring on contractions and helps with pain. I like lavender oil because it calms you. A lot of my clients like lemon oil because it helps with nausea.
It's so important to stay hydrated. You get really thirsty in birth. Needed has Hydration Support, which includes electrolytes and it's fruity. My clients love it. I bring packets of it and pour it into their water bottles. I also like to make sure they eat and stay energized. At hospitals, they don't love you to eat. I don't mind if my clients do. You wouldn't run a marathon on no food, right?
The other thing that I would do is cozy blankets and cozy pillows. Make yourself really comfy. If you're birthing in a hospital gown, it can make you feel like you're going in for surgery. So, I always have my clients bring their own gowns and socks to feel that coziness. When you feel cozy and comfy, you release endorphins, which helps your labor progress.
I always have people pack Needed's Sleep Support because your sleep's going to be very broken after you have a baby. It'll allow you to get that deep relaxation and sleep, and it will also help the digestive tract get moving after birth. I also recommend sleep masks, earplugs, an iPad full of music or hypnotherapy or something that just keeps you calm.
One thing I always have people do is a birth plan - I call it birth preferences. It's a checklist saying how you want to be treated, how you want the birth to be handled, and how you want the baby to be treated. If you don't go in there with a birth plan or preferences, you basically won't have any options. I think that's really important to pack and go over with your care provider first and your nurses. If you don't have a doula, it's a way to be able to hold space a little bit better because they know what your preferences are and they can look at that list.
PS: What is something that you find to be misunderstood about birth work?
LB: There's a misconception that doulas only do home births. We do all kinds of births. A lot of my clients get epidurals, a lot of my clients do hospital births, some of my clients end up with C-sections. If my clients wanna go birth in the woods with a bunch of deer, I'm gonna support them. We do work with midwives and do home births, but we also work a lot in hospitals.
The other thing is, there's a doula out there for everybody. There's no one right way to doula. We all have different skills and mindsets and philosophies. When you're choosing a doula, it's really important to ask all that. How you feel around that person? Because they're gonna be holding space for you.
PS: What is your favorite thing about what you do? What gets you up in the morning?
LB: What's better than helping bring life into this world? Every time I get to do a birth, it's an honor. It's magical watching a woman - no matter how she chooses to birth - and all her power and her vulnerability. I feel so grateful and blessed helping make a difference in these families' lives. Helping these children come into the world with a healthy foundation, that's what gets me up in the morning.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
For the first year of my daughter's life, Wednesday afternoons were spent clinking glasses with a Circle of Moms at the local brewery as our babies cooed on a blanket beneath us. We swapped stories about how naps were going (not good) and whose babies were starting to crawl (not mine). I was a first-time mom far from home, and these women had become family to me. We gathered every Monday at music class, Tuesday at yoga, Thursday at the park, and Fridays at a rotation of house concerts, where string quartets and guitar sing-a-longs transfixed our babies.
Since year-long parental leave is normalized in Canada, it was easy to find a group of parents on the same schedule as me. At the end of a challenging year of sleepless nights and messy meals, I was grateful for the built-in friends and support during what could have otherwise been a lonely time.
Because society in Canada is arranged in a way to support substantial parental leaves, it also wasn't seen as an inconvenience when I left my job for a year. My team hired a maternity leave cover so they weren't left scrambling, and I didn't have to feel guilty for not being there or pressured to check in.
And when it came time for my daughter to start daycare, I watched her wave goodbye to me and walk right in, a big girl who was ready to start making friends. (And then I went and cried in my car.) But I was ready, too: taking the year to care for my body and mental health alongside my baby helped me feel prepared to return to work.
Five years later, I was back in the US, walking through my quiet neighborhood with my second baby strapped to my chest. We were both crying. Life was chaotic, and I constantly felt alone. Without the same culture of regular parent meetups, I struggled to find community. There were probably programs at the library, but I had only recently come out from under the fog of having a newborn, and it was almost time to go back to work already, so it seemed too late to make the effort. The idea of somehow seeking out a group of friends seemed exhausting and I couldn't muster up the strength to organize anything.
At four months old, my daughter still felt so young. It was heart-wrenching to say goodbye to her as I put on clothes that weren't sweatpants and prepared myself to fake-smile at my first morning meeting.
I was lucky to be working remotely, but still, pumping felt impossible to schedule - I would get so caught up that I'd realize I missed a session, and by ten months, I wasn't producing any more milk. I can only imagine how much harder it would have been if I had to schedule a pumping room and coordinate bringing everything to and from the office every day.
Postpartum depression snuck up on me, until I felt constantly frustrated and out of energy. The difficulties that a support structure helped alleviate with my first child now felt insurmountable. The baby wouldn't nap in her crib, she wouldn't breastfeed, and alone, I felt like a failure. Sometimes I'd lay on the floor, unable to stop my racing thoughts. It took me a year to finally realize what was wrong and get the help I needed.
Parental leave in Canada isn't perfect, but I did feel like society was working with me to help set me up to bond with my baby, feel confident in parenting, and form strong connections with my community. It allowed me to keep my job and feel valued in my career. Most importantly, it made me feel like I could take the time I needed to be a mom. In the US, I felt like I was swimming through sand, trying desperately to raise a baby before I had to go back to work, and the effects lasted long after the day I signed back into my email. But it doesn't have to be like this.
Several countries offer over a year of paid leave, according to Pew Research Center: Bulgaria, Hungary, Japan, Lithuania, Austria, Slovakia, Latvia, Norway and Slovenia. Estonia offers a year and a half. The United States is in the minority as only one of six countries to offer no national leave at all. Although some states are beginning to pass leave laws, it's not comprehensive enough.
I hope that Americans can stop taking our lack of parental leave as a given. We deserve the same protections that other countries provide to help support new parents and set them up for success. I wish Americans knew that the idea of sipping a beer with fellow parents next to a blanket of cooing babies is not so wild after all.
Ahead of the holiday, Lohan has partnered with Tommee Tippee on a social campaign to celebrate the child-care brand's relaunch. This comes on top of an already busy year: she recently starred in two rom-coms as part of her ongoing movie deal with Netflix, with a third, "Our Little Secret," expected later this year. She also made a much-suspected cameo in the "Mean Girls" musical movie. Earlier this year, it was also confirmed that a "Freaky Friday" sequel was in the works at Disney, with Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis both reprising their roles.
Even so, Lohan is prioritizing family at the moment - and she said as much in an email interview with PS ahead of Mother's Day. Ahead, Lohan discusses her parenting style, what she's learned from motherhood, and the movie in her extensive filmography she's most looking forward to showing Luai.
PS: Have you discovered any unexpected talents or strengths since becoming a mother?
Lindsay Lohan: Lifting things, I also work out more to focus on building more muscle in my upper body. Also, I feel you develop a new kind of multitasking becoming a mother.
PS: What's been the greatest lesson you've learned in motherhood so far?
LL: Prioritizing what's most important.
PS: Are there any specific lessons from your own childhood that you're applying to your parenting style?
LL: I was a playful baby and kid so we always want to always surround our son with happiness and positivity.
PS: You've partnered with Tommee Tippee ahead of their relaunch. What are your favorite products from the brand?
LL: The Natural Start Silicone Bottle because Luai loves to hold that one it's comfortable for him and I don't have to worry if he plays with it and it falls because it's soft.
PS: How would you describe your parenting style?
LL: I'm pretty hands-on with Luai. I like to build a routine. I'm a playful mom. Now that Luai is getting bigger, we love to finger paint and do music time and sports time.
PS: How has having a child changed your relationship with your partner?
LL: It's added even more joy to our lives. The time the three of us have together is indescribable. I am smiling all the time.
PS: Which movie of yours are you most excited to show Luai?
LL: He loves to be outside and watch the cars drive by. He is into playing with his toy cars, so I think "Herbie: Fully Loaded" will be fun and fitting to show him.
PS: Do you have any favorite mommy bloggers or parent influencers you enjoy following?
LL: I don't follow anyone. I think everyone has their own parenting style, but it's always interesting to see and hear other perspectives. At the end of the day, it's comforting to know that as parents we want to do the best we can to provide a happy and safe environment for our children.
The best part is that you won't have to stress about unpredictable shipments. Our picks are all available on Amazon Prime and will get to her just in time. Whether you're shopping for your wife, mom, daughter, or sister, we've got you covered. Keep scrolling to see the Mother's Day gifts we've added to our carts to find exactly what you're looking for.
Fortunately, if you decide you want to go for a cool, unique name, you can define what exactly "cool" means to you. Because picking any baby name can be hard, though, we've curated a list below of cool baby names to make things easier. Whether you interpret cool as popular, rare, fashionable, or having sentimental meaning in your culture, this list will meet all your naming needs.
Scroll through this list for some pretty cool names for girls and cool names boys that any child will say with pride as they grow up. Many of these are also gender neutral baby names, so they'll match any gender of your baby. Happy name hunting!
As a mom of two young children, these products have been game changers for me, and have helped make the daily chaos of work, diaper changes, and trying to sneak in some element of self care a bit more manageable. There are also some PS editor-approved favorites that are at the top of my wishlist this year.
Whether you're shopping for your mom, sister, friend, daughter, or yourself, these Mother's Day gifts will help optimize her time. Scroll down for inspiration that you'll want for her - and may add to your wishlist, too.
While flowers, chocolates, and spa gift certificates are always welcome, when thinking about gifts for new moms on Mother's Day, we think searching for the presents newly minted parents might not buy for themselves is the best way to go. It's a great way to tell your loved one you're thinking of them, while also acknowledging that this special moment - their very first Mother's Day! - deserves a little extra recognition.
Whether it's bringing massage home with a massage gun or gifting her pretty nails without the lengthy manicure appointment via resilient press-ons (ones that won't pop off during a diaper change), these Mother's Day gifts for new moms are sure to make her smile on her first Mother's Day. Plus, we rounded up items new parents are sure to need during that first year or two in baby world - so you can be certain your gift will be more than appreciated.
The reality is that not all medications are safe or recommended for pregnant people to take. That's why it's so important to talk to your doctor about the best options for your symptoms. We asked experts to give us an overview of taking allergy medicine while pregnant, but every person is different and nothing beats getting individualized advice.
Editor's note: This information in this article is not medical advice. You should always consult your doctor regarding matters pertaining to your health and before starting any course of medical treatment, especially when you're pregnant.
The good news is that there are allergy medications available that are safe for pregnant people to take, according to experts. "Many over-the-counter allergy medications can be used to safely treat allergy symptoms during any trimester of pregnancy," Sarah McBane, PharmD, a clinical professor at UC Irvine's School of Pharmacy & Pharmaceutical Sciences, tells PS.
A 2021 article in the journal Allergy reports similarly, citing several studies that show antihistamines are "widely prescribed during pregnancy for various indications" and "that the literature regarding antihistamine safety . . . is reassuring" for second-generation antihistamines, a medication classification used to treat symptoms of allergies. Likewise, there are some cases where first-generation antihistamines might be favored despite having more sedating properties.
But Dr. McBane also emphasizes that other options exist. "The best medication for a pregnant or breastfeeding individual with allergy symptoms is not always an oral medication," she says. Instead, she suggests talking to your care team about eye drops or nasal sprays to treat your most irritating symptoms, which might be a better and lower-risk option.
"Since these medications are not taken by mouth, much less of them gets into a pregnant or breastfeeding individual's system and therefore lessens any potential exposure to a developing fetus or breastfeeding infant," she says. Dr. McBane emphasizes it's "always best to speak with a pharmacist or physician before taking any medications during pregnancy or while breastfeeding."
Worth mentioning: when it comes to the safety of allergy-medication use during pregnancy, vague language like "may be safe" is often used. The Association of American Medical Colleges explains that because pregnant people are generally excluded from clinical trials, safety data is often collected through retrospective analysis. However, that doesn't mean there aren't safe options available - but it does indicate that it's always a good idea to check in with your doctor or pharmacist, who can weigh in on your specific circumstances on which medications, if any, would be best.
Find more info on specific oral medications below.
"Benadryl, also called diphenhydramine, is a first-generation antihistamine," Dr. McBane says. "It tends to make people drowsy and may cause side effects such as dry mouth or constipation."
She explains that taking Benadryl is considered to be safe during pregnancy; however, she notes that "there are other medications that would be a better choice for allergies," with fewer side effects.
Claritin, also known as loratadine, is a second-generation antihistamine. Dr. McBane says that since this medication "has been around longer and has more information on its use in pregnant and breastfeeding individuals, it's often the recommended oral allergy medication."
While it's still important to talk to your doctor before taking Claritin during pregnancy, the American College of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology notes that Claritin has "reassuring animal and human study data and [is] currently recommended when indicated for use during pregnancy."
Zyrtec, the brand name for cetirizine, is classified as a second-generation antihistamine. According to an article in the journal American Family Physician, which cited four studies examining its effects, this medicine "[does] not appear to increase overall fetal risk." And the American College of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology notes that cetirizine has been studied in animals and humans with "reassuring" data suggesting it's safe to use in pregnancy.
In addition, a 2018 study published in the Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, which conducted a retrospective analysis of cetirizine use during pregnancy, concluded that exposure to cetirizine "during pregnancy is not associated with adverse outcomes" for the pregnant person or baby.
Xyzal, the brand name for levocetirizine, is a second-generation antihistamine; however, it doesn't have as much data on its use as other options, so it shouldn't be your first-line option unless your doctor tells you otherwise.
"Although it's probably safe, not much information is available on the use of Xyzal in pregnant or breastfeeding individuals," Dr. McBane says. In these cases, doctors tend to err on the side of caution and recommend medicines that have been more thoroughly studied.
Allegra, the brand name for fexofenadine, is another second-generation antihistamine. The American Family Physician article states, "Studies on the safety of terfenadine (which fexofenadine is a metabolite of) in human pregnancy did not show a significant risk of congenital malformation," noting the drug didn't appear to increase "overall fetal risk." A 2020 study in JAMA Pediatrics came to the same conclusion.
While the American Family Physician article states that fexofenadine is considered mostly safe, it also notes that the drug "has been associated with early pregnancy loss in animal studies but has not been studied in human pregnancy." As always, make sure to talk to your doctor before taking this antihistamine to get a sense of your individual risk.
You should ask your doctor before taking any medicine if you're breastfeeding your child, but in general, most antihistamines are thought to be safe to use while breastfeeding, Dr. McBane shares.
A 2010 article published in the Canadian Family Physician Journal explains this further, noting that "minimal amounts (of antihistamines) are excreted in the breast milk." And because these medications don't cross into the breast milk, they "would not cause any adverse effects on a breastfeeding infant."
Devan McGuinness (she/they) is a Canadian disabled writer, editor, and social strategist who covers politics, entertainment, parenting, and lifestyle. Devan has contributed to POPSUGAR, Fatherly, Parents, Scary Mommy, Mom.com, and more over her 10-plus years in digital media, specializing in stories that matter most to families.
But the good news kept pouring in. On April 7, the couple revealed they were expecting not one child, but twins. They both readily admit they'd been hoping they'd have twins, if only so that they don't have to fight over which one of them gets to hold the baby.
"We already do it with our cat and our dog, so if we only had one baby, it would be bad," Sullivan jokes.
"Once I was seeing the heartbeats on the scan, it felt so real."
We caught up with Sullivan and Farago a couple weeks after their announcement, and they were both giddy as they talked about expanding their family. They were still a bit in disbelief, too, given that they went through a failed embryo transfer last year. As Farago put it, despite all of the planning, hormone shots, and everything else that has gone into making this pregnancy a reality, "the fact that it's happening feels surreal."
Keep reading to find out what Farago has been craving during her pregnancy, how Sullivan deals with the "hate" he gets online as a trans man, and why it's so important for them both to be open about their relationship and their journey of growing their family.
Francesca Farago: All the first trimester stuff - nausea, feeling tired - it all started hitting me this week. I'm feeling a little under the weather, to be expected obviously, and because there are two in there, I definitely feel a little bit worse than I'd feel if there were just one. It's a little bit of a struggle to do day-to-day things, but everyone tells me that when you get into your second trimester, all of that goes away. So I'm excited for that. I'm hiding it with makeup.
Jesse Sullivan: I basically have been like a little caretaker. I make her all her meals, and she's craving very specific things. So anytime she's craving something, I try to surprise her. I'll add a little apple with caramel, and she gets all excited. I take care of the animals, and I've been taking care of the house. Kind of doing everything I can to make her days easier, because she's been going through so much. Not only the twins, but because this was IVF, she's on all these hormones and it's been extra hard on her body. So the least I can do is sort of be like full-blown Mr. Maid.
FF: I'm craving healthy foods, and my favorite thing right now is cinnamon raisin toast with vegan cream cheese and berries on top.
JS: Or a bagel with vegan cream cheese and cucumber.
FF: I'm big on cucumbers right now. I could live off cucumbers. I don't know what it is. I think maybe the freshness.
JS: Although we intentionally did this and put so much blood, sweat, and tears into making this happen, once it happened and once I was seeing the heartbeats on the scan, it felt so real. And it sounds so weird, because obviously I knew this was going to happen. But it hits you really hard. And it's like, we're bringing human beings into this world together.
FF: I remember the other day, I was thinking like, "Oh my god, we're actually going to have two babies? Who's letting us do this?" I feel like a teen adult. My mom started having kids when she was young, but I'm like, we're ready, but also who let us do this? It's crazy that it's actually happening.
JS: I think that's a normal thing when you're pregnant or at any stage, you get hit with the reality really hard. It happened to me when I was in high school. It felt different. It kind of felt really real the whole time, and this is hitting me in little stages.
FF: Yeah, I think also because we're kind of keeping our guard up a little bit because our first embryo transfer failed, so we've been very realistic about: there's a potential miscarriage, the possibility of it not working out. So the fact that it's happening feels surreal.
JS: That's exactly why it feels surreal, because we were so prepared for it to not be real.
JS: I'm so excited to see Francesca actually go into mother mode. It is something that's so instinctual, and until you're holding that baby, you don't really know how you're going to feel. I can't wait, because I know she's going to thrive. She's going to be the best mom, there's not a doubt in my mind. I think I'm going to see this already amazing, badass person who inspires me every day - times 100. Even me being a parent, I think I'm going to be inspired by her parenting. I can already see that.
"I'm nervous I'm going to be too strict."
FF: I'm nervous I'm going to be too strict. Is the term "helicopter parent"? JS: Yeah, that's where you're like always like, "Oh, are you going to fall? Do you need help?"
FF: Yeah, I'm already like that with our dog. I'm so protective over him, like I need to know where he is at all times of the day. And I don't know if that's because he dealt with a lot of health issues when he was younger and I had to bring him to surgery and it was a really traumatic situation for me and him. I don't know if that bonded us more, but I feel like with the babies, if someone else is holding them, I'm going to be like, "Are you okay?" I feel like I'm going to be really scared.
Also, because, like, we didn't just have sex and get pregnant. I've used over a thousand needles, I've put my body through all this stress, you put your body through stress. Eight months of our lives to get this far - there's so much riding on everything going smoothly that I'm going to be extra protective, I feel like.
JS: It definitely changes how we feel about things.
FF: One of the positives I noticed right off the bat was reassurance and building a community of women who have gone through the same thing. It's been really positive. I've been really active on Snapchat, and I post how I'm feeling that day or what I'm going through, and I will get hundreds of reassuring comments from women who have gone through the same thing. I think it's important to share it, because our journey hasn't been shared before. A queer couple doing IVF and being so public about it - I've never seen anyone post like that. So I think it's important for awareness and acceptance and for people to see that we had to go through some extra steps, but we're just a regular family as well. And for younger queer kids to know that they can have a life like us and it's possible - a lot of people don't think it's possible.
"A queer couple doing IVF and being so public about it - I've never seen anyone post like that."
JS: Yeah, as a queer couple and telling this story, but more specifically me as a trans man. These sorts of things are so specific to us, and I've never seen a story told like this. Especially right now with the political climate, trans people specifically are so targeted, so I think it's so important. The kinds of messages I've gotten and the comments, they're like, "I'm 15 and I honestly thought I never was going to have a family. You showed me that I can have a family." It's those simple things that you think all kids should feel growing up, and they don't get that. I had a 7- or 8-year-old trans girl whose mom told me that seeing me was the first time she ever thought, "Oh I didn't think anyone would like me for my body." So those things make it all worth it and so important that through the hate we keep going.
FF: There's a lot of hate.
JS: There's a lot of hate, yeah.
FF: But people are so juvenile with their comments. They're not even good comments. Be more original.
JS: At least be funny.
FF: Yeah, at least be funny. I think sometimes it gets hard. I'll post something and get a lot of negative comments and be like, why are we giving these people access to our lives? Why are we giving them access to something so personal and vulnerable if this is the response? I'm like, they don't deserve to see this. But then I remember, for every 10 hate comments, there are 100 positive ones. We're obviously going to be very protective when the babies get here. We're not going to show their faces or anything like that for a while and we're going to feel out the situation, but it's hard because it's not only us that gets hate comments. Arlo gets it as well. You want to protect your family, but you also want to be advocating for families like ours. So it's always a thin line of what to show and what not to show.
JS: It's such a thin line. There are obviously so many cis families out there who are showing their parenting style and whatever, and I'm sure they get a certain amount of hate. But I think because of who we are, it's just so amplified.
When I started this journey of wanting to show my parenting as a trans dad, I couldn't have imagined how difficult it was going to be. I had a bit of rose-colored glasses going into it, but I'm constantly trying to find this balance of letting people in because it's important, but also pulling back when it's like, you crossed too many boundaries. You don't need to ask these very personal questions about my 15-year-old. I've asked you guys not to do it a million times. And then also talking about our future kids and how we're going to raise them, it was like should we do it, should we not. I already know what the comments are going to be. But at the same time, we had so many people commenting like, "I'm a 43-year-old mom of three and you just changed how I think about this." I'm like, this type of stuff is so important. We need people doing that, we need people being like, "I never thought I would think differently than I do, but you have opened my mind up."
But to be completely transparent, it does affect my mental health sometimes. I go through phases where I'm like, this is hard. I don't know how much more I can keep doing. I don't want to call them weaker moments, because I think people are free to have moments like that. But I really try to focus on the bigger picture and what I'm doing for my family, what I'm doing for young people.
So, how much does adoption cost? First you should be aware of the five typical avenues for adoption in the United States: adopting a relative, adopting a stepchild, international adoption, domestic adoption, and foster adoption. While legal fees are involved in each of the five adoption pathways, the average cost of adoption is much higher for these three types of adoption:
The fees that come with the adoption process can vary greatly depending on the type of adoption and in situations where additional advocacy may be necessary, Jodi Miyama, LMSW, senior executive of international adoption at Holt International, tells PS. Here's what you need to know.
"Average fees can range between $25,000 and $60,000" for international adoption, Miyama explains. "The fees cover home-study fees, parent training, agency fees (staffing, licensing, accreditation, operational costs), United States Citizen and Immigration Services (USCIS), translation or document fees, and often sending country fees and travel."
International adoption costs may also include additional fees, depending on the country. "Many countries have government or overseas country fees, legal or attorney fees, and in-country fees," Miyama says. "This could cover care of child, social worker, or child registration expenses. There is great variability between countries due to whether the sending country has specific fees as well as the length of time a family travels and remains in country."
According to Ryan Hanlon, president and CEO of the National Council For Adoption, the fees for a domestic adoption "can range quite widely depending upon a number of factors," he tells POPSUGAR. "In general, families pursuing a private domestic adoption should expect to pay between $35,000 and $50,000."
According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway from the US Department of Health and Human Services, the cost can cover home studies, legal fees, court fees, medical fees, and pre-adoption and post-adoption counseling.
The fees for families pursuing adoption through the child welfare system are substantially smaller in most situations and can range from $0 to $3,000. Adoption costs vary by state, however.
"Most adoptions from foster care have no or extremely low costs," Hanlon explains. "There are some situations in which parents may incur fees associated with legal aspects of the adoption case." The Child Welfare Information Gateway states that some children in the child welfare system may qualify for additional support, which can help reduce costs.
"The Federal Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act of 1980 established a program of financial and medical assistance to help promote adoptions from foster care, reduce financial barriers to adoption, and help adoptive families meet their adopted children's emotional, physical, and mental health needs," the report reads.
Working with a reputable adoption agency should help reduce unexpected adoption fees, Miyama explains. "When considering adoption, it is important to work with adoption professionals who are licensed. This ensures that a child-centered, ethical adoption occurs," she notes. "Adoption professionals will provide transparency in fees. Sometimes more experienced professionals provide guidance and advice that will prevent delays and reduce expenses."
Families hoping to adopt but concerned about covering the fees have a few avenues to get past that hurdle. "There are generous adoption grant-making organizations, an adoption tax credit, low-interest adoption loans, and more to help families ensure that cost is not a barrier," Hanlon shares. "There are a lot of good, supportive adoption resources organizations you can partner with, who work to ensure costs aren't a barrier."
Simmons is not alone: as floods and fires become more widespread, climate anxiety has become so pervasive that there's an entire industry of therapists dedicated to helping people deal with it. And as a parent, concerns for the future of our planet are amplified by how climate change could affect those you love most for decades after you're gone. Moms and dads are asking each other for coping strategies on Reddit. For some people, it makes them rethink having kids altogether.
If you are a parent, learning how to grapple with climate change distress is not only essential for your own well-being, but for your children's, too. "It's harder to show up for your kid and put your best parenting self forward if you're thinking a lot about what their future might look like and worrying," says therapist Jennifer Silverstein, LCSW, who volunteers with Climate Psychology Alliance and consults on community resilience. Figuring out how to manage climate anxiety as a parent comes down to feeling less alone, and more in control.
For many parents, productive coping centers around taking action. "Any time we feel anxiety, it often stems from feeling a lack of control," says Pamela Templer, PhD, professor and chair of the biology department at Boston University, where her lab focuses on the effects of environmental change. "And so if you feel like you're making a difference, it feels more constructive."
In addition to teaching young people about climate change in her professional life, Dr. Templer says that small actions at home help her (and her family of four) feel like they're doing what they can to make a difference: walking rather than driving when possible, composting, eating less meat, not using heavy pesticides in the yard, letting the house get a little warmer in the summer and cooler in the winter. "Any climate anxiety I have, I feel like as long as I put energy into doing something to fix it, then I feel better about it," Dr. Templer says.
It can also help to get active in your community and beyond. Dr. Templer is part of a local tree-planting committee. Simmons suggests taking actions like advocating for a no-idle zone at your kids' school. You can go to town meetings to push for climate-friendly policies, or become part of a parent-led environmental organization like Moms Clean Air Force or Mothers Out Front.
Silverstein recommends getting your kids involved in these activities, too, so you can experience it together. "You want to be able to model for your kids what collective action looks like," Simmons says.
If nothing else, look up what other people are doing for the environment. "Even that might give them some alleviation of their anxiety to know that people are out there really working hard on this," Dr. Templer says.
Simmons points to the idea of "constructive hope," or the belief that actions are being taken to avoid climate disaster - something that she relates to personally. "I see how bad it is. But at the same time, I see that there are very real ways in which people are trying to transform systems to address the underlying causes of climate change and environmental injustice," she says.
Even if you're trying to be as environmentally friendly as possible in your life, there are times when we need to be flexible.
"Doing what you need to do to keep your kid safe and functioning in this culture sometimes feels like a very different set of things than what you would do to make the world a better place for them," Silverstein says. "If I buy my kid a bicycle helmet, that's what I have to do to keep them safe when they're riding their bike. But the helmet's made of plastic and it was shipped here from China."
Although certain compromises might feel like they go against your environmental values, Silverstein suggests recognizing that we're part of a bigger system - one that's difficult to escape. Feeling guilty about it will only cause additional distress.
As a parent, you have an opportunity to help shape the next generation, so take advantage: instead of avoiding the topic, help your children feel empowered. Talk about climate change with your kids and show them how to be environmental stewards, too.
Silverstein says that you can support their connection to nature from infancy, taking them outdoors and having them feel the bark on trees, for instance. "We know that children who have formative connections with nature are more likely to have enduring pro-environmental attitudes and behaviors," Simmons says.
By the time they're in preschool, start to talk about things like shutting off the lights because it's better for the planet. As they get older, find out what kind of curriculum the school teaches, and keep tabs on what they're hearing about climate change in the media so that you can talk to them first, or at least follow up with helpful conversations.
If you're not sure how to bring up the topic in an age-appropriate way, look for TV shows and books about climate change, like "Octonauts Above and Beyond," that can help. "There's no shame in getting help from outside sources," Simmons says.
It can be helpful to remember you're not the only one feeling anxious about our environment. "Talking to other parents and other caregivers, and validating this sense of angst can be productive," Simmons says.
If you don't have anyone in your network that you can talk to, join a climate cafA(c), a community space (virtual or IRL) where you can safely discuss climate fears, Silverstein suggests. "Finding people that you can share in the conversation with and not feel isolated by it is a super important way to take care of ourselves," she says.
Unfortunately, no matter how many trees we plant, it's nearly impossible to completely erase our climate anxiety since the future of our environment is largely out of any one individual's hands. Silverstein reminds clients that they still need to take care of themselves, and find ways to come back to the present moment when climate anxiety starts to get the better of them.
"It could be really any kind of self-soothing," she says. "For me, it's nature. Whatever they prefer, whether it's music or going for a walk, I particularly encourage parents to do that, and share it with their kids."
If you're struggling to figure out how to manage climate anxiety as a parent, or finding that it's often keeping you from being fully in the moment with your kids, seek out resources from places like the Climate Mental Health Network or find a climate-focused therapist through the Climate Psychology Alliance. "Support is out there," Silverstein says.
For decades, clinical psychologists, researchers, pediatricians, and developmental experts have been authoring books purporting to offer the definitive guide to parenting styles. But just like every family is unique and has its own needs, each child-raising philosophy has benefits and challenges that make it ideal for one parent and a nonstarter for another. That's why there are so many differing takes on the best parenting style in the first place.
And although parents do not need to adopt a specific style verbatim, to figure out how you plan to raise your children, it's helpful to understand their nuances. We've accounted for the hundreds of different types of parenting styles and culled them down to the nine most popular. From authoritative parenting to gentle parenting to helicopter parenting, you're bound to find the right parenting style for your family.
Whether you're looking to try something classic or opt for a buzzy alternative, like parallel parenting, read on so you can better understand the different parenting styles - and which one best suits your personality and goals.
For all of my life, my mom has been in and out of hospitals, and my dad has been our rock. He recently got sick, though, and it broke me. My mom's health issues advanced so much that she now lives in a nursing home, because my dad is not strong enough to take care of her on his own. And me? I live on the opposite side of the country.
Because of this, I fly from my home in Los Angeles to crash in their one-bedroom apartment in Connecticut at least once a month. I'm happy to be there to support them, but these trips are physically, emotionally, and financially draining.
When I'm in town, I'm their therapist, nurse, chauffeur, cook, assistant, and maid. I'm bouncing around hospitals, riding in ambulances, and waiting with them in emergency rooms. I'm acting as a liaison between them and their doctors, pharmacists, therapists, friends, and church. My parents are my best friends who did everything for me growing up, so the least I can do is be there for them when they need me the most.
Motherhood would mean I could no longer be my parents' support system, and I'm all they have.
But this had made planning for a baby nearly impossible. It's hard to prioritize anything over my parents, let alone getting pregnant. I already feel like a bad wife, seeing as I've spent weeks apart from my husband in the first years of my marriage. How could I possibly add a baby to the mix?
Despite knowing all this, I often imagine what getting pregnant would be like. Would I be able to make these trips across the country while pregnant? Would I be able to make these trips with a newborn? Would I be able to support my parents with a child? The reality is, I don't think so. Motherhood would mean I would no longer be my parents' support system, and I'm all they have.
I know what you're thinking: even though moving to be closer to my parents may seem like the logical solution, it's not an option for my husband and me. Not only is a cross-country move more expensive than plane tickets, but our careers are here in California.
I also know some people might argue that I could make it work if I wanted a baby badly enough. Plenty of women out there become mothers while taking care of their parents, or without the support of their parents entirely. But I don't know if I'm one of them. It breaks my heart thinking about bringing new life into this world while my parents are in their worst physical states.
The truth is, I really would love to be a mother. I'm just not sure if I want it to happen at my parents' expense.
In a viral TikTok video that has been viewed more than 18.3 million times, emergency medicine specialist Joe Whittington (better known as "Dr. Joe" on socials), MD, shared that roughhousing with your children can be good for them. "Those children grow up to be more confident and well-adjusted adults," Dr. Whittington says in the clip.
While this sounds great in theory, you can't trust everything you see or read online - especially when some forms of roughhousing can lead to injury or emotional distress. With help from children's psychiatrist Howard Pratt, DO, a board-certified medical director at Community Health of South Florida, and emotional intelligence expert Jenny Woo, PhD, founder of Mind Brain Emotion, we fact-checked whether roughhousing with your children is actually a good idea.
@drjoe_md Roughhouse play, often characterized by playful wrestling, chasing, and tumbling, plays a critical role in a childas development, leading to more confident and well-adjusted adults. This form of play is not only a fun and engaging way for children to connect with their peers and family members, but it also teaches them important life skills such as setting boundaries, recognizing personal limits, and understanding consent. Through these interactions, children learn to navigate social dynamics, improve their physical coordination, and develop resilience. Moreover, roughhouse play stimulates the release of endorphins, promoting a sense of well-being and happiness. As children engage in these playful yet challenging activities, they build self-confidence and learn to manage emotions and physical responses to stress, laying the foundation for emotional intelligence and social competence in adulthood. #parenting #newparents #parentingtips #children
a! original sound - Dr. Joe, M.D. d(c)o
Also known as rough-and-tumble play, roughhousing is a type of physical activity that includes activities like wrestling, pillow fights, tumbling, and fighting for fun, says Dr. Woo. However, exactly what that looks like will vary from person to person. Most children begin roughhousing when they're around 3 or 4, and it can continue until puberty or until the roughhousing evolves into playing a sport or exercising, Dr. Pratt says.
Though you can't trust every TikTok you see online, there is some truth behind Dr. Joe's viral video. "Yes, engaging in roughhouse play can help children become more confident and well-adjusted adults," Dr. Woo says. Research also shows "roughhousing with fathers can help kids manage aggressive impulses and learn to control their emotions during physical activity," Dr. Woo says. (It's unclear why this benefit was only studied around fathers.)
Still, those aren't the only benefits. Not only can safe roughhousing allow kids to test boundaries in a safe and controlled environment, but "it can help kids build emotional intelligence by learning how to manage their emotions and read the emotions of others," Dr. Woo says. Additionally, Dr. Pratt adds that roughhousing can help with bonding, forming positive emotional memories, building trust, and learning limits.
"Engaging your child directly through roughhouse play, as opposed to, say, playing a video game with them or watching a movie with them, would likely result in more positives than negatives," says Dr. Pratt. This is because when you watch a movie together or play video games, you aren't really focused on each other in the same way you are during roughhousing.
Despite its benefits, there are some important parameters to keep in mind when roughhousing with your children. As an adult who is likely much larger than your child, you must be aware of your size and strength, says Dr. Pratt. "Roughhousing should never result in bruises and injuries, significant discomfort, or fear," adds Dr. Woo.
It's also important to always keep roughhouse play consensual. "One has to be sensitive, attentive, and be prepared to stop if it's not enjoyable to the child and the child feels like they are being forced to participate," Dr. Pratt says. If your child ever says "no," you should respect that boundary and stop immediately until they want you to engage again.
Perhaps most importantly, understand that roughhousing is a behavior your children will learn and mirror in other environments. For this reason, if you find your child is roughhousing with other kids and the other children are not enjoying it or are feeling bullied and forced to participate, "it's time to put a stop to it," Dr. Pratt says.
Bottom line: as long as your roughhouse play is safe and consensual, don't be afraid to play wrestle a little bit. It's good for them.
Postpartum women can relate to this journey. From sleepless nights and seemingly endless diaper changes to feelings of isolation and postpartum depression, it can be easy for new moms to feel like they've lost themselves in the beginning stages of motherhood. But in many cases, eventually, new moms learn how to balance their needs and rediscover their passions, getting their pink back.
While the concept itself isn't new, social media influencer Lindsey Gurk branded the phrase by launching her company Get Your Pink Back, a clothing line created to remind postpartum women that they will eventually get their pink back in motherhood.
@lindseygurk Thank you all for being part of this incredible aflamboyancea with me and for supporting one anotherd|(c)dY=1 Editing this was an emotional, yet WONDERFUL experiencea| and Iam just so appreciative. GET YOUR PINK BACK!!!!! d|(c)(just restocked d) #getyourpinkback
a! original sound - Lindsey Gurk
"If you're feeling not quite like yourself, maybe you're feeling a little bit drained, just keep in mind you're doing it all for your chicks. You're doing it for your children," Gurk says in a viral TikTok. "Just like the flamingo is able to balance on one leg, which should actually be impossible considering the size of their legs and the size of their body, you will not crumble underneath the weight of it all, and we will get our pink back."
Below, we've rounded up a list of quotes from postpartum women that we spoke with personally on how they are working to get their pink back. Let the below serve as inspiration and a healthy reminder that although you may have no idea where your color went, your pink will always be there for when you're ready to find it again.
"I didn't start getting my pink back until I was done breastfeeding. When I was breastfeeding, I felt like my body was no longer my own. The baby is the priority, not you. Because of this, I really felt like I lost a part of myself. But once I stopped, I got Botox, and it was a decision that I made for only my own benefit. I didn't have to think of how it would impact my babies, and it had nothing to do with their own happiness or contentment. It was something I was able to do for just me and myself - something I could do to take my own body back," - Genevieve, 34.
"I made daily walks mandatory. It was something I did pre-pregnancy and all during my pregnancy. Walking makes me feel so good." - Alanna, 29.
"I love to golf. Knowing that it would probably be harder to get out on the course with a newborn, I joined a weekly ladies league that started when my son was 6 weeks old. It was great. I got to play with other women, stay for a great meal afterward, and my son got some bonding time with daddy while I was out of the house." - Calee, 31
"When I had my second child, I was struggling and having trouble sleeping. I knew I wasn't the person or mom I wanted to be, so I reached out to my doctor and let her know I needed help and support. I took her suggestions and tried a low dose of Zoloft in combination with therapy, and I honestly feel the best I have mentally in a long time. - Kacie, 32
"I'm prioritizing myself by not people pleasing. If I don't feel like having visitors, I just say it. Also, I made intentions to take time for myself and do what I needed to do to prioritize my mental health. This included doing things like my nails and makeup. It has let me take that time for myself and makes me feel more like myself." - Kathryn, 32.
"I have shown horses my whole life. When my daughter was a year and half, I bought a horse to show again and started working out to feel better about myself and to show better. Six months later, I went to a show in Vegas, won my class, and felt like I belonged there again. Although it's obviously different and takes a hell of a lot bigger village to get it all done, I can finally say I have my pink back." - Terra, 32
"My body changed quite a bit after having two kids back to back. Everything seemed too small, so I tended to buy things way too big. When I was ready to start feeling myself, I bought pieces of clothing that actually fit me well while also flattering my new found figure. Having clothes that fit me made me feel good and made me way more confident." - Megan 27
Luckily, we found some unique girl names that are both rare and beautiful. More specifically, we found more than 100 unusual girl names that you'll want to consider for your baby and compiled them in an A-to-Z list. (Yes, we even found a few unique girl names for letters that are harder to incorporate, like Q and X.) Take a look at these rare girl names and see if you can find a cute name that fits your little one. We are sure these unusual names for girls will be one-of-a-kind choices.
This sentence may have come across as cold and morbid to anyone else, but I knew Tessa understood where I was coming from: Her dad and my dad both have terminal lung diseases, and neither of us have the best relationships with our moms, either. My mom in particular is generally healthy, but I worry about her living alone as someone who can be forgetful, overly trusting, isolated, and naive.
Tessa and I met working at our college bookstore as cashiers. She's now a math teacher married to a great guy with a new baby boy. Tessa just turned 29. I'm a healthcare reporter who lives in Oakland, CA. I take art classes, love walking around the Bay, and have a 9-year-old cat named Clark. I'll be 28 later this year.
Tessa and I both have older parents, and have bonded over how it can sometimes feel like we got robbed of fully enjoying our 20s. I don't call Tessa to gab about a new crush or text her photos of my outfit options before a date. Instead, we talk about having to navigate federal healthcare on behalf of our parents and arranging care for them while simultaneously trying to keep our own lives afloat.
Neither of us feels like we have the same normalcy our friends do; we don't often call our parents for advice or anticipate the holiday season with excitement. Instead, our 20s have mostly felt like we're consistently waiting for the other shoe to drop, and when it does, we turn to each other for support.
I am one of many millennials being affected by what's been referred to as an elder-care crisis. It's difficult to care for aging parents, especially with whom you have a strained relationship, while also navigating early adulthood. . . and financially earning less than they did at my age. The weight of credit card debt, student loans, and societal expectations can feel crushing. Hell, sometimes vet bills for just Clark can get pricey, even with pet insurance.
I want to save money. I want to travel. I'd like to upgrade from a studio to a one bedroom so I don't have to fall asleep staring at my desk, since I work from home. But I also know that when my dad inevitably passes - and likely before my mom due to his condition - I'll need to be able to spring a last-minute plane ticket home and help get things in order.
I recently received a master's degree from Syracuse University's Newhouse School, and throughout my final few semesters, I routinely thought to myself, "I hope my dad stays alive at least until I finish this degree." It can often feel like I'm holding my breath, hoping my parents hang on until I'm in a more established place in my life, so that I can offer the best care while also being my best self.
My dad's prognosis was originally around seven years max, and he's now in his third year since being diagnosed. His health isn't currently changing much day by day, and when people ask how he's doing, I reply, "About the same."
It can often feel like I'm holding my breath.
I deeply desire to maintain autonomy in my own life, which still feels like it's just beginning. But I also want to make sure my parents are safe, healthy, and have all the resources they need as they age. So, rather than save for an eventual wedding or other milestone, I now have a separate savings account explicitly meant to help my parents in the event of something tragic. Just like a wedding is a major life event, so is losing a parent and maintaining care for the other parent - particularly if you're an only child, like I am.
(At this point, some might ask, "Why don't you just leave the Bay Area if you're so concerned about money?" So, I should note that I have two uncles who live here, and we're very close. They weren't always part of my life, and as they also get up there in age, I want to be around them as long as possible, making up for the time I didn't previously get.)
I don't quite know what I'll do when the inevitable happens to any of these aging people I love. I'm single, 27, in a studio apartment, just juggling my own bills and student loan debt. If I know anything, it's that you cannot prepare for life, it hits you when it hits you. I may not have siblings, but whatever happens - whenever it happens - all I can do is my best: financially, physically, and mentally.
But it's not always easy sorting through baby names with meaning and deciding which will be the best one for your new little one. For that reason, we've rounded up a list of the most meaningful baby names for girls and the most meaningful baby names for boys.
As you sort through the list, keep in mind that you not only want something that flows with your last name, but you'll want to also avoid a baby name that has an unintentional double entendre meaning. (No one wants to be named the same thing as some random French laxative).
Once you've settled on a few meaningful baby names to decide between, you're one step closer to having the little one of your dreams with potentially the coolest name ever. Enjoy!
"We're pregnant! It's been such a struggle to get here, but we felt like TDOV was the perfect day to let you all in on our celebration," Sullivan wrote in the caption of the TikTok announcement. "Thank you for following our journey, and here's to more trans joy!"
Even though Sullivan already parents his 15-year-old child Arlo, there has since been an onslaught of questions about how Sullivan and Farago will raise their child, including what gender pronouns they will use for the baby.
"When they are babies, will you say he/him or she/her or what?" one TikTok commenter asked. In response, Sullivan shared his thoughts in a viral video that has already been viewed more than 1.7 million times.
@jessesulli Replying to @Han I think this is a great question. I have 17 neices and nephews, and 1 kid, and I promise you kidsa interests and behaviors only differ based on their unique personalities, not their sex. This doesnt mean I donat provide guidance as the adult. It just means I dont believe in limiting a childas true self expression based on M or F.
a! original sound - Sulli
"Let's say we have a child who is male; his chromosomes are XY and he's assigned male at birth. I will go ahead and use he/him, but this is where my parenting differs. I'm not going to put these expectations on him or her based on those pronouns or however they're assigned at birth," Sullivan says in the video. "I don't think there's anything wrong with having a daughter and calling her she/her until she decides otherwise. I think what is wrong is that when you make them boxed in based on those pronouns."
For Sullivan, this means he won't make his daughter do the dishes or his son take out the trash; he won't tell his son it's not OK to cry or tell his daughter what a great mother she'll be one day. "Essentially, I'm going to raise my kids to be great people no matter what," Sullivan added.
Many people in the comment section showed support for Sullivan's take on parenting, and LGBTQ+ therapist Natasha Camille, LCSW, also agreed with the approach. "Jesse's video provided an important perspective on how people can parent in a way that fosters their children's ability to feel safe and encouraged to explore all aspects of themselves, including gender," Camille says.
Below, Camille shares more about Sullivan's take and what parents can do as they navigate these same decisions with their own children.
Sullivan's parenting style is also known as blank-slate parenting, a term Camille says is popular in the LGBTQ+ community. As Sullivan describes in the TikTok, blank-slate parenting is what happens when you give your child a blank slate to discover who they are without forcing gender stereotypes or norms on them.
"It calls for parents to relinquish any assumptions and expectations that they may be holding onto as they enter into parenthood, because these assumptions and expectations could later be harmful to their child," Camille adds.
But this isn't the only "right" way to handle gender pronouns while parenting. In fact, Camille says it doesn't matter what pronouns you decide to use "as long as the parents are open to the fact that one day this child may discover that whatever pronouns you've been using for them doesn't feel affirming of their gender."
They also add it's important parents remain "dedicated" to not boxing their children into particular gender norms. For parents, the process starts by assessing your own relationship with gender growing up. As Camille puts it: "Parents would benefit from reflecting on how they learned about gender roles and norms during their own upbringings. We need to be questioning why it was so important for us to play with certain toys or wear certain colors."
Camille suggests doing this through therapy or by writing down your thoughts and experiences in a journal. Once you have a general understanding of how arbitrary gender is, you can use this experience to ensure you're not projecting gender expectations onto your child, Camille adds.
Additionally, as Sullivan mentions in the TikTok, a good way of trying to help your child not get boxed into gender stereotypes involves exposing them to many different activities, toys, and entertainment, regardless of their gender. This includes having them try out various household chores, sports, colors, clothes, and more.
Whether you decide to practice Sullivan's blank-slate approach or not, know that there's no right or wrong way to navigate these conversations. According to Camille, what's most important is allowing your child to express their interests and desires to you. "Foster a relationship in which your child can feel safe to share anything with you," they say.
Charlotte is a loud, tiny girl in my son's swim class. The she, in question, is a random mom whose name I don't know. And my son? He's 1-year-old, has approximately three teeth, and he pooped in the bath yesterday then tried to eat it. So, no. My son is not running yet.
I waved at my child as he threw my husband's glasses in the deep end before admitting that, no, my kid was not running. Right on cue, as if she got stage directions out of the "Small Talk for Parents 101" handbook, the nameless mom did the usual song and dance of, "Aww, it's OK! Let me tell you how my baby is slacking to pretend to make you feel better."
But it didn't make me feel better. Instead, it reminded me why the worst part about being a parent is making competitive small talk with other parents.
I wish I could connect with other new parents in a way that doesn't feel like a cut-throat competition between our babies.
Sure, the stretch marks, leaky bladder, and lack of independence were all bummers when it came to becoming a mother. But I was somewhat aware that my body was going to change. The forced small talk with competitive parents, though? The ones who all think their kid is the cutest, smartest, and best? It's more exhausting than how my three-day induction was.
It's hard to pinpoint which small-talk conversation is the most dreadful. Is it the comparison of how much iPad or screen time we allow? The judgmental questions about what my child eats? Or the bragging about how quickly their child learned to crawl, walk, read, or run? Not sure. But all of these conversations somehow have a way of making me feel like I'm not mom-ing well enough.
I guess I just wish I could connect with other new parents in a way that doesn't feel like a cut-throat competition between our babies. It's like we're playing roles during these forced exchanges, hiding our true selves behind a faASSade of parental perfection.
I crave mindless interactions that don't revolve around whose child has achieved what milestone or which parent has it hardest. I miss the days of talking about what shows we're watching, what plans we have, and what dreams we're chasing. Because the thing is, we might be raising autonomous people, but we're still autonomous people ourselves.
Small talk as a parent is impossible to avoid. It's a part of the experience of pushing your child on a swing at the park or talking with another mom at a child's birthday party. But maybe we could find things to talk about that aren't comparing our children's milestones, and remind ourselves that there are topics in the world that don't revolve around diaper rash and diapers.
Because if there's one thing I've learned after having a baby, it's that while parenthood is the greatest blessing, it's OK to still be our own people too. And really, we don't need to be comparing our child's successes to each other. My son will learn to run soon enough.
Maybe they figured it was just a new-age parenting thing. We eventually secured an apartment, each set up our own bedrooms, and then decorated our daughter's nook. Now, when new parent friends come over, we shut the bedroom doors, lest the multiple adult bedrooms invite questions.
And in this way, we live a sort of double consciousness, weighing the costs and benefits of telling each new acquaintance that we are not romantic partners. On the one hand, does it really matter if our co-workers or neighbors know that we are living together and raising our daughter as co-parents instead of romantic partners? Does it change anything if they know? If it doesn't matter, then why not just tell them?
"We still struggle with if and when to tell people that we're not, in fact, together."
This is a dance we have done again and again, and while it's not the biggest challenge of raising our daughter together, the discomfort we feel is a potent reminder that what we're doing isn't typical. Maybe it's not even describable with our current vocabulary. "Co-parenting" feels stuffy and formalistic, like how the word "colleague" doesn't quite capture your closest work friend. "Partner" doesn't either, as it implies we're romantically involved beyond the emotional closeness that raising our child has fostered. "The parent of my child" is a mouthful, but more problematically, it implies that the connection we share is born only of our shared offspring, a connotation that may have been true at one point but is no longer. Usually we settle for simply using each other's names.
When we found out we were pregnant with our daughter, we didn't know what life would look like in a month, much less a year. But we set to work building a foundation, first by reaching out to a coach to help us talk through all the emotions and practical considerations of having an unplanned child. We began drafting a co-parenting agreement, a process that was, in retrospect, as valuable for making us practice negotiation and conflict resolution as it was for the substance of the agreement.
Through the drafting of this non-legal agreement, we realized that we were, in large part, beginning from a blank slate. Unlike a marriage or a more traditional relationship between parents of a child, there were few norms to guide our decisions. This was a blessing and a curse. We could design the environment we wanted for our daughter free of internal and external norms. But these structures also serve a purpose; they provide a model that is intelligible, and more importantly familiar, to others. They tell you how to act, and they tell others how to act around you and your child. They inform the questions people feel comfortable asking and the help they're willing to offer.
For us, it felt more like we were building the plane as it was beginning its acceleration down the runway. By the time our daughter was born, we had an agreement - but little idea what our day-to-day would look like. We moved in together after her birth because we both wanted to share in those early, liminal months. And family and friends around us responded in kind, enveloping us in the community we needed to get through the chaos of those early days. Sometimes it was difficult to explain to people, even loved ones, how to approach the situation, both because we lacked language to describe it and because we ourselves didn't entirely know. But the early days of a new child's life don't leave much time for reflection, and those around us mostly just followed our lead. They dropped off home-cooked meals, often lingering to spend time with our newborn daughter. Friends and family members made overtures to each other, seeking to strengthen the fabric of support that we had begun weaving.
"Our daughter is raised by a much broader array of people than had we been a more traditional couple."
Most importantly, people around us helped us grapple with new questions, big and small, as they arose. Do we list each other as emergency contacts? Do we spend holidays together? Unlike more traditional relationships between parents, we never built a cocoon around our nascent family, and others didn't assume that one existed. In its place was a permeable fiber that others could pass through with their actions, their questions, and their love.
This permeable fiber remains intact to this day, now anchored by more time and more practice working through new questions. More than a year on, we continue to live together. Neither of us is dating right now, and although we've agreed it's not prohibited, we've also discussed certain parameters if it arises in the future. Our daughter is raised by a much broader array of people than had we been a more traditional couple, and we feel much more comfortable asking for help. For instance, other parents at our daughter's daycare describe how no one besides family met their kid for many months; when our daughter was two months old, a friend cared for her in what turned out to be something of a first date for him and his eventual girlfriend. In this way, friends and family have little concern about intruding upon the sacred space of the nuclear family. And our daughter gets to reap the rewards as well: she knows we are her parents and primary caregivers, but she also benefits from the love and care of so many others. Hopefully, as she grows up, her fabric of care will feel much richer and more textured, albeit perhaps less traditional.
We still don't have the language to describe what we are, and we still struggle with if and when to tell people that we're not, in fact, together. But we have settled into a comfortable understanding between ourselves, and like so many aspects of parenting, it feels impossible until you do it, and then it's just hard.
This writer is remaining anonymous to protect the privacy of his family.
"Open and honest communication is beneficial for both the parent and the child."
"This is one of the hardest, most painful, delicate, but also one of the most important conversations the parents ever have to have with their kids," says Hadley Maya, LCSW, a clinical social worker with Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center and a coordinator of its Talking With Children about Cancer program. "There is such a strong instinct to protect your child from worry or pain, and that is completely understandable. But we know that open and honest communication is beneficial for both the parent and the child."
It's best to share news of a cancer diagnosis with your kids as soon as possible. "Children, adolescents, they really pick up on changes so much more than parents think they do," says Shannon Coon, LMSW, children's program coordinator at CancerCare, which offers free counseling, support groups, and a helpline for people affected by cancer. "And if they're not aware [of the diagnosis], they're either going to be worried that they have done something wrong or come to a worse conclusion themselves."
Just give yourself a moment to process the news first, and prepare. Before talking to your kids, Coon recommends practicing what you want to say or writing it down so you achieve the tone you want. Consider who you want to be there when you have the conversation, and where you want it to take place: Coon suggests a calm environment, like home.
For all ages, experts recommend explicitly using the word "cancer" with your children so there isn't any confusion. "It's going to help encourage that conversations moving forward are open and honest," Coon says. It will also help clarify that the disease is not something they can catch, and that they're still safe around their parents.
As you talk with them, be sure not to make any false promises. "You can say, 'I'm doing everything I can to get better, I have all the help and support from my doctors,' but you don't want to make any promises that are not within your control," says Elizabeth Meyer, LICSW, CPCC, a counselor in Massachusetts with expertise in parenting.
And don't worry about getting emotional as you share the news. "Processing your own emotions first as much as you can is a good idea," Maya says. "But if you cry when you tell them, that's you modeling healthy emotional expression and telling them, 'We're in this together, and it's OK to feel sad or scared.'"
Of course, exactly how to tell your child you have cancer in a thoughtful way that helps them cope with the news depends on their age. Read through expert insight on best practices for different stages of development, below.
While toddlers can't understand the concept of serious illness, they do have a strong fear of separation and abandonment, and will pick up on anything different that's happening, "especially if the routine changes or the parent who has cancer is not capable of holding the child or picking the child up," Maya notes.
When talking to this age group, she suggests focusing on just the present day - like what they can expect today, when mommy or daddy will be back home - and giving them lots of physical touch through cuddles and hugs. "Say something very basic, like, 'Mommy doesn't feel well today, and mommy's going to the doctor to get help,'" Meyer suggests.
Although the concept of cancer is still too complex for children of this age to grasp, Maya says there are lots of picture books and kid-friendly diagrams that can help explain things like what a tumor is. She's even worked with parents who have used dolls to show how an IV line works. Again, she recommends keeping communication simple: "Something like, 'Daddy has a bad sickness. The sickness is called cancer. Daddy's doctors are treating him now, and we truly believe that he'll get better' (if that's true)."
At this stage, children might be able to generally understand what a cancer diagnosis is, but they will have difficulty with cause and effect. "Younger children believe that their thoughts or wishes can influence the world around them," Maya explains. "It's a totally natural part of child development, but it can, in the worst case scenario, cause a child to feel responsible for their parents' illness or even death." It's important to give them constant reassurance that they're not at fault for the cancer.
Children at this age can take in more details without getting overwhelmed or confused. Specifically, they can understand cause and effect (like the fact that treatment leads to hair loss) and look toward the future. Give them an expected timeline of the treatment plan so they know what to expect and how it will affect them. "Even creating things like a treatment calendar can really prepare children for any changes, especially in scheduling," Coon says.
By the time your children become adolescents, they've likely heard about or encountered someone with cancer, whether it's a celebrity or someone they know. So it's important to clarify the details of your case. Maya also suggests getting them involved as much as they want to be, whether that's giving them certain responsibilities at home, or offering to ask the doctor their own questions.
Of course, this isn't a one-and-done talk. "Continue to keep the door open and encourage your child to come to you with questions," Maya says. "The truth is you might not have the answer. You can always say, 'I don't know, but I promise I'm going to try to find out and I'll come back to you.'"
Follow your child's lead on how often you bring up your cancer; just be sure to always keep them in the loop if there are any changes that might affect them. Experts also recommend updating their school as well so that teachers can be there to offer support and keep an eye out for any behavioral changes.
Once a child is old enough to understand the concept of death (around age 8), be prepared for questions about it. Maya suggests validating that, yes, some people do die of cancer. "But then follow that with reassurance, whatever that is," she says. You could share that the doctors don't believe you're dying, or mention how advanced treatments are today, or simply reiterate that the doctors are doing everything they can to make you healthy again.
As nerve-wracking as it can be to talk about a cancer diagnosis with your kids, remember: children are usually far more resilient than we imagine. "Oftentimes, the anxiety that we feel about talking to kids about cancer comes from our own lived experience as adults," Maya says. "Trust that it has the potential to really, under terrible circumstances, be a conversation that helps families feel closer and helps children learn how to tolerate difficult experiences in life. Not to say that it's a situation any parent wants to ever be in, but there's really powerful things that can come out of this."
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